Smell like jizz for $125.00

This is not a joke. French perfume company Etat Libre d'Orange makes a scent called "Sécrétions Magnifique" (Magnificent Secretions) that smells like blood, sweat, sperm and saliva.  My roommate first caught wind of this (pun intended) while we were living abroad in Paris, and we decided it was worth the walk to the Marais headquarters of the parfumier.   I was skeptical, purely because how could they sell something that literally smells like sex with a chick on the rag?  But sell it they do, because I took a whiff of that concoction and my mouth started to water in the "I'm about to vomit" way, as opposed to the "This is making me so hungry for sex" way. This shit really smelled like sin.  And the saleswoman tried to tell us that people actually buy it.  Please. If I really wanted to smell like a murder in a gas station bathroom, I would enlist my boyfriend and make it at home rather than shell out $125.00 that could better be spent on lottery tickets.  

This is not to say that Etat Libre d'Orange is a hoax, however, because they make some really great stuff too.  In fact, it's the brand responsible for converting me into a pro-cologne-ist.  Historically, I have always been anti, simply because the image of a man spritzing himself with what is, for all intents and purposes, perfume, is the definition of "sissy" for me and is ultimately an out-and-out deal breaker.  But Etat Libre has a cologne called Anti-Hero that smells like lavender and cedar chips, and it's like a wet dream come true, and for that I must thank them.  As for Eau de Spunk, they should just keep it in their pants.